long lost

Is it me, or have I changed a whole lot since becoming a journalist?

I was glancing through my old blogs, struck by curiosity after a certain nosy lil friend chanced upon one of them with her excellent snooping tactics, and was immediately thrown off by the tone of optimism and quiet contemplation in there. The youthfulness of it all seeps through, jarring, because I no longer can go back there.

I look at the things I come up with now, and I see them tainted with weariness and half-assed haphazard thoughts, a reflection of a mind exhausted by hours and hours of mulling over words. I see them filled with quick anger and cynicism instead of a measure of calmness.

Nowadays, words fail me. An irony, considering it makes up the majority of my job.

But what else can I say that I haven’t said? Or maybe I just don’t find it necessary anymore, the only avenue of my release – gone.

And there you go, I’m at a loss of what else to say.

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take a peek

loves:

the crackling sound of pages being turned in a book

cold droplets of a light drizzle falling on her face

imagining herself playing the lead character in a reflective long-running film about her life (her soundtrack will be entirely made up of heartbreaking melancholic tunes)

breathing in the odours of frozen food in the freezer (you can catch her getting a whiff ever so often)

the feel of a hand weaving itself through her hair

the smell of a freshly minted book

keeping her ‘treasures’ in a chest and imagining her future grandchildren gushing over the precious memories like gold and silver

hates:

feet squishing around in wet/damp shoes

being ignored, because that means she is not worth it

the sound of metal grating against each other as a shop owner pulls down the shutters

the very existence of cockroaches

the loud echoes of motorcyclists roaring furiously past a quiet residential estate at night

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driven mad in Singapore

Look, all those horror stories you’ve heard about Singapore drivers? All true.

Aggressive, slipshod, ungracious, hostile, short-tempered. All the traits you wouldn’t like to meet on any other day, let alone have them all come together on the great monster of an expressway.

Recipe for a major disaster much?

I’ve been driving for five years now, and I have to say, the harsh Singaporean-driving mentality is taking a toll.

Sure, look at our tiny green island from the bird’s eye view of an aeroplane, or look out of the window of your cab when it is just travelling out of the airport and you would be awed by how clean, pristine, garden-esque and wonderfully sophisticated our country is. But really, has it translated onto our roads? Not at all.

Put anybody who has the endurance of a saint on the roads for 3 years and the madness will turn that person into a roaring spitfire capable of yelling f-yous to cranky taxi drivers or stick ingem the bird. Trust me, 3 years ago I would never think of doing said action 1 and 2, but now it is a constant struggle every day NOT to do it.

Yes I admit there are a few drivers who are courteous, who allow you to filter into your lane, and who try not to tailgate you or flash their headlights at you every time you perform some maneuver that tickles their anger bone.

But those a rarity indeed. Nowadays, dawdle one second slower at any junction and you’d be rewarded with three flashes into your rear mirror. Three seconds, and you’d be treated to a high beam for about 8 seconds. Longer than that, be prepared for  a long and screeching horn (alternatively it would arrive in 500 bursts – imagine an angry uncle’s fist spasming on the horn button), tailgating, before the vehicle shows its displeasure by peevishly pulling out from behind you abruptly, speeding past your vehicle, and if you are lucky, turning towards you with his scowling/triumphant face before roaring off in a fit. And you’re lucky if this happens only once a day.

It’s exasperating. Not everything is a contest people. And if you’re rushing somewhere so urgently that you have to hurt 10 people’s day in the process, I hope you know it won’t get you very far. Your next car crash is possibly just a traffic light away.

I hope this will change, I really do. I want driving to be pleasant for once, to leave a smile on my face. Why should it be such a chore? I want to be able to sing along to the radio without being cut off suddenly because some aggrieved asshole is honking at me 100 times just because he wants to go 110km/hr compared to my 90.

It’s not a pound of your flesh to wait just that 2 seconds. Neither will it take away any bit of you to just be a little bit nicer, to slow down and let someone get into your lane.You might be the one who desperately needs to make a U-turn or get across to that building the  next time you get into a vehicle. Every body needs compassion on the roads, let’s try not to make this a motorway of hell for everyone.

So here’s a challenge – go out there, and make 5 gestures that show you are a gracious driver on the road. And then do it the next day too. Who knows, your actions might spur another to do the same.

I for one, will start practising what I preach. Here goes, one baby step at a time to change our world.

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