Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
– Casting Crowns, East to West
Sometimes i wish, with all my heart, that i could sleep and never wake up.
It all feels like deja vu. All of it. My life going in circles, always ending the same way, beginning the same way, ending the same way.
Why. The endlessness of it crushes me.
I’m not meant for this life, this life of meaninglessness and pain. Of deep-seated loneliness and barrenness. Of selfishness and cruelty.
Perhaps I deserve all of it. Whoever said I deserved to be treated like a princess, treated with care and respect like the way a daughter of God should be treated, is lying.
dancingredheels: A writer, not a speaker. 